After Lauren’s letter two weeks ago I have realised I am not the funny one in the relationship, you’ll have to wait for her to write again (we will alternate and have agreed that roughly every two weeks one of us will produce the next “Letter”) to get the laugh. I’m going to be more philosophical when I write, looking and what it takes to raise kids and live and even thrive as a KZN family having moved to the Lowveld, and perhaps unintentionally amusing from time to time. Anyway, let’s get into it.
The last few months in KZN were tough, I felt trapped, depressed and demotivated, unable to exert the energy I had previously had for family, business and life. Looking back now I didn’t realise exactly how deep I had sunk. 100kg+, feeling sorry for myself on the couch. Not the active, trail running, looking for the next opportunity father I had been. The signs had been there even towards the end of 2019, and 2020/21/22 didn’t let up, not one bit. The only drive they gave me was to try to get out of the situation. My trails guiding progressed and became my saving grace, each time I got out into the bush I found temporary relief. I had never understood any form of depression, and couldn’t relate to why people couldn’t pick themselves up, and self-help themselves out of the situation. But sitting on my couch in Howick towards the end of last year, I felt it. Zero energy, zero oompf.
So of course I pinned quite a lot o hope that things would change with the move to the Lowveld, something many warned I shouldn’t do, as the grass is rarely greener. I consulted an energy coach who suggested it’s not the place, but our mind, we can create the place I find in the bush where ever we are. But I was hopeful that the move would and shift in opportunity would provide the antidote. We have been here 3 months now, and I can say it did. My brain feels active, my body feels energised and strong, and a fire deep inside my belly has been reignited for life, my family, my work and my destiny.
The thing is I don’t know exactly where this journey is going, or where I will end up, all I know is that it is going and that my alignment with my true work has never been stronger. My passion is creating opportunities for people to engage with the outdoors and nature. Teaching and growing confidence in how to do this, a lost skill/instinct for many. I believe living close to nature and engaging with it in a meaningful and peaceful way ignites our brains in ways that the modern world of devices and noise dulls them. I don’t have much scientific evidence, and I am not going to try and look it up, although there probably is some. But I have my own example, my own experiences and my own journey to share. How my battered mind has started to rise from the ashes to give again. So the move itself was not the antidote, but rather my new proximity to nature and the regular opportunities I have to immerse myself into it.
I am not going to apologise for my absence, but rather celebrate my return as a wiser and more experienced person, able to share my journey generously through honesty and openness. I feel free with nothing to hide. Over to you Lauren, my love, it’s time to make them laugh!
PS- In the future “Letters from the Lowveld” will be published on our new blog coming soon. My next letter will be about the boys and their sport!